lipstickstainer:

alright listen you lil shits!!

Aries: 8/10 y’all are chill af but got a demonic side to y’all and it’s like ummmm …. pls calm down thank u

Taurus: 8/10 y’all be chillin too but sometimes y’all just pop off out of know where and you’re like ???? damn do you need to step outside or??

Cancer: 4/10 …. honestly like idk wtf y’all be on but pls go take a nap and don’t bother anyone but your own sign and your sign only thank u

Gemini: 6/10 most of the time YALL are great and I try to give y’all the benefit of the doubt but then y’all feel like y’all got too much freedom and just burn down buildings for fun I can’t keep up pls stop

Leo: 5/10 … y’all get an extra 3 points because y’all are a fire sign but honestly … calm down???? why are you so dramatic??? omfg like homie listen it’s not that big of a deal

Virgo: 9/10 honestly YALL are really nice but y’all really be so high on a horse like …. come down …. stop …. you’re not god ….

Libra: 7.5/10 y’all got this cute charm thing going on for y’all but y’all are indecisive, ugreatful, manipulative, impossible, cry baby assholes like fuck stfu

Scorpio: 7/10 y’all make great friends but y’all get pissy over the stupidest shit, can’t control ya emotions, act like the world owes you something, y’all have this fucking god-complex that everyone says aquarians have like holy fuck listen buddy, life is not black & white, everyone likes typical shit like the color pink but also likes to watch gory movies you are not “different”

Sagittarius: 9/10 we’re fucking awesome but shit we be too much sometimes and we never fucking deal w our emotions and we run away from shit when it gets too hard but judge tf outta others when they do it

Capricorn: 9.5/10 almost perfect but not there because you’re constantly over worrying shit, judge people, act like y’all are better than everyone, pretend your life isn’t a constant mess because you’ve painted a perfect picture for everyone and your closet is a fucking mess

Aquarius: 7/10 y’all chill too but you never answer your fucking phone, you barely go around your family or friends, you pop up out of the blue, your sc is always lit but tu never invite anyone, you never sleep, always forget to eat and only exist when you feel like it

Pisces: 6/10 do you even exist???? where tf you be at???? why y’all so salty and bratty??? why do y’all act like we gotta be nice to you cause your feelings are so sensitive like damn bitch ain’t no one care drink some damn orange juice

The Signs as Strange Planets

Aries: Wasp 12 b ; Orbits WAY too close to its star making it slowly die.
Taurus: HD188753 ; Has 3 stars, everywhere you look there’s a sunset/rise.
Gemini: 55 Cancri e ; A gigantic diamond worth about 26.9 non million dollars.
Cancer: GJ 1214 b ; Completely made of water, no land.
Leo: Gliese 581 c ; Can possibly support life in a small area but 1 side is too hot and the other too cold.
Virgo: Kepler 438 b ; The most earth-like planet.
Libra: HD189773 b ; Rains glass sideways constantly.
Scorpio: TrEs 26 ; Darkest Planet ever, glows red.
Sagittarius: Wasp 17 b ; Largest Planet ever.
Capricorn: J1407-B ; Has rings 200 times bigger than Saturn’s.
Aquarius: Gliese 436 b ; A ball of ice that is constantly on fire.
Pisces: HD 106906 b ; The loneliest place et, 1.1 times bigger than Jupiter.